can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
