so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
