dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
