No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize