either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
