quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
