Swine flu. Run for my life!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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