so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
