Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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