That's when you crack a 10am beer
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
