I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
