walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
