You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
