I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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