whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
