I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
