What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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