Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
