I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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