nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
