If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There are leaves in my underwear?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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