i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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