i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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