She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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