We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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