we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just pee around me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
