You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh god the rape fog is back!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
