do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
