I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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