There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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