you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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