I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize