Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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