Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
