Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has the fingertips of a God
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