dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
