areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
