They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
