I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
