Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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