So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
