She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I checked into jail on foursquare
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have post one night stand depression
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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