I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I love having hate sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My Sexting was not on an AP level
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize