Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
