Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
