I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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