I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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