I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
