that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
