They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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