Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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