I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
