So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize