where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
