i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
