Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
