Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize