just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
