Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
