I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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