Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
