So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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