You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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