Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
