I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
