I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
