I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
