I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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