Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
