last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize