how can u be prego again
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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