she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
