Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
