Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
