he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
