Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize