We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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