Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
