People in love make me want to vomit
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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