so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize