My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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