I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
