Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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