im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
