I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
