His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
