yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
