saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
