im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize