I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
