im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize