i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
