How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Welp...herpes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
