; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just cut my nipple shaving
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize