Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found your dick twin last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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