Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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