My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize