We need to rekindle our bromance
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
