I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
