how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
