Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
birth control should be required to get into college
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
