UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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