im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
