She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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