we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
