i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
