I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
