Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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