we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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